It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Actually let’s be honest, there were moments when I started being quite consistent with blogging and then boom, no posts for a month, or even more than that. As much as I love writing, sharing my thoughts with you, creating the entire idea of the post in my head, somehow it never seemed to work out the way I wanted it to. Maybe it was the fact that I hated translating my posts into polish, the weird place my mind was in back in a day or something else. It just simply wasn’t the right time for me I guess, and since I really tend to put a lot of trust in the timing let’s just leave it like this, let’s put all of that away. Last couple of weeks have been fascinating on so many pathways for me, most importantly discovering my true self and sticking to it all the time. You know as a person who’s running a youtube channel for more than three years now I’ve learned quite a lot about the entire social media thing, yet I’m not a misses-know-it-all but that’s alright, can always educate myself. The fact that I’ve been here for so long, seen so many people come and go, same thing with trends and virals made me weirdly feel bad & sad for not ‘growing’ as fast as others. I got stuck in the mindset of comparing myself to others like crazy, constantly thinking I’m not good enough. That was me in January we’re talking about now. It was also the time when I had exams at uni, so they kinda disturbed me from all of these negative thoughts and made me want to change my mindset completely because I was starting to get tired of my own self. So I stopped being consistent with all of my social media, to the point when my mom was going like ‘hey Sandra, why haven’t you posted anything on instagram in a week?” (yes, she’s the biggest fan). So I decided to try and start everyday with a smile, to do something that makes me happy and have a me-time every single day. To talk and meet up with people who inspire me, to read more, to watch more, to stop being focused on numbers. I am aware of how stupid my behaviour was, but also I am just a human being and the fact that I pushed myself into this rabbit hole of negativity was a normal yet not a fun thing. I believe that everything happens for a reason, sometimes we all have to wonder into the darkest parts of our minds to finally wake up and go back to being our true selves again.
So you might wonder – what helped me? What made me change my mindset all over again to the even more positive person I’ve become? Definitely a major step was quitting social media for a while. From not posting a lot of videos, instagram posts, deleting snapchat, not doing live videos. The me-time became the most important part of the day, whatever it was on that specific date. It’s funny how we’re all kinda addicted to social media and how our phones are extensions of our hands, yet so many people find it making them feel worse about themselves. So yes, I quit that and started to think of all the things I wanted to start doing, meaning every day actions, not parachuting and stuff. Meditation instantly popped into my head. I tried it a couple of times, but never put it into my routine. With that thought in my head I quickly typed ‘meditation for beginners’ over on youtube, clicked on the first video that caught my eye and gave it a go. Let me tell you, the first meditation left me in tears, as if this huge wight I had somewhere in my chest was gone. And so I made meditation my daily habit. I start most of my days with it, if not I happen to meditate in the middle of the day or right before bed. As you already know I love quotes, so I wouldn’t make it through this post without sharing one of them by buddha and that is ‘quiet the mind and the soul will speak’. Meditation is all about letting all them bad and stressful thoughts go away, it’s about being mindful and peaceful in the present moment, it’s about reconnecting with yourself and as the quote says – letting your soul speak. So in February I’ve learnt to be ambitious, not thirsty, to stay even more humble, to always be my sometimes weird self, that you can start late, look different, be uncertain and still succeed, because you’re the one who measures your success not numbers or people, but the heart of yours. Getting out of that dark hole was a huge success, and so being where I’m right now is another success of mine, yet I know that there are so many more to come. Not only in my life but in yours as well, just work hard, be yourself, make them happen, be proud of yourself but stay humble and grounded, never forget what made you do it all in the first place.